The last time I got my heart stomped on, I decided it was going to be just that: the last time.
To give you some background, I’d fallen head over heels for the woman I was dating. She was a drop-dead gorgeous, divorced mother of two. She was smart and funny and charming and successful. She owned her own business and volunteered in the community. She liked music and comedy and trying new restaurants. She was everything I ever wanted in a partner. Except that she was a little unstable and treated me like a second-class citizen. But, I didn’t care. I was in love. I ignored every yellow and red flag, overlooked the lies and broken promises, and tolerated her disrespectful behavior. I allowed her to unilaterally change the terms of our relationship on what seemed like a weekly basis. I did her favors and bought her things and told her how much she meant to me. In return, she tossed me out of her life like yesterday’s trash, without a moment’s hesitation or a hint of remorse. And, she did it by way of a text message.
In the past, I’d have worked through the pain by simply telling myself that this woman is a narcissist or a psycho or just a downright shithead. And, quite frankly, she might be all three. Or, she might not be. It doesn’t really matter. Because, the fact is, I played a role in it, too. I let her into my life. So, this time, I decided to closely examine my own behavior.
Heartbreak can be a powerful catalyst for change, if you choose to see it that way. I began to look deep within, and asked myself a number of questions: Why does this keep happening? Why do I consistently fall for the same type of woman? Why did I try so pathetically hard to win this woman’s approval? Why did I love someone who couldn’t love me back? Why did I tolerate so much disrespect? Why didn’t I walk away when I knew I should have? And, why am I so heartbroken over someone who was so goddamn cruel?
I found the answers to several of these questions when I picked up the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Within the first few pages, I had a number of “Holy Shit” moments, and realized that I had a severe case of Nice Guy Syndrome, an anxiety-based disorder that affects both men and women all over the world. Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with being nice. But, when you fail to stand up for your values, make your own needs a priority, and walk away from bad situations, you’re denying yourself the life you deserve. And, in fact, you’re not really being nice at all. You’re also venturing down a path towards frustration and heartbreak. More often than not, nice guys (and girls):
- Desperately seek the approval of others
- Try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes
- Constantly put other people’s needs and wants before their own
- Sacrifice their personal power
- Co-create relationships that are far from satisfying
- Fail to live up to their potential
Admittedly, I was so affected by Dr. Glover’s book and the concept of the Nice Guy Syndrome, that I did the necessary work to become a certified relationship coach and No More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG) coach. You can view my listing on Dr. Glover’s site here.
On my journey to becoming a coach, I discovered a passion for helping men and women overcome their difficulties in relationships. I became an expert in relationship patterns, and began to understand why so many of us consistently fall for the wrong people. And, now, I’ve made it part of my mission to help others overcome heartbreak, date more consciously, and find fulfillment in life and in love. If you’d like to work with me, schedule a conversation with me now.
I take pride in creating a safe space for everyone who chooses to work with me. And, you’ll get ongoing support, as you become the best version of yourself. More specifically, I’ll help you: