I’M GLAD YOU’RE HERE.
The question is: What brought you here?
Maybe you read one of my essays and it struck a chord. Maybe you found me on Facebook. Maybe you were referred here by a friend. Maybe you’ve been thinking about getting a coach or joining a support group. Or, maybe you read No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Dr. Robert Glover and it turned your whole fucking world upside down – in the best possible way.
Whatever the case, I know that you’re here for a reason.
You’re here because, up until now, you’ve been leading a life of quiet desperation.
You’re here because you’ve been failing to live up to your potential.
You’re here because what you’ve been doing isn’t working.
You’re here because you’re a Nice Guy. And, you’ve decided that it’s time for a fucking change.
IT’S TIME TO ABOLISH YOUR NICE GUY SYNDROME
If you didn’t already know, I am a certified More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG) coach, having studied closely with Dr. Robert Glover, the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy!
There are just a few certified NMMNG coaches on the planet. I am the only one in the Gulf South Region of the United States, and I currently live in New Orleans.
I am also a recovering Nice Guy.
In fact, I was a Nice Guy of disastrous proportions. And not just around beautiful women. I was a Nice Guy in nearly every facet of my existence. It was kind of pathetic, actually. But, the last time I got my heart stomped on, I decided it was going to be just that: the last time. I also decided that it was time to take charge of my life.
As I began to abolish my Nice Guy tendencies, I quickly discovered the incredible healing power of connecting, bonding, and sharing my story with other men. The relationships I’ve developed with Dr. Glover and dozens of other guys have been the real driving force behind my transformation.
Are you ready to begin your transformation? If so, you’re in the right place. It’s time to abolish the shit out of your Nice Guy Syndrome and start getting what you want in love, sex, and life.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH BEING A NICE GUY?
Certainly, there is nothing wrong with being nice to others. But, this isn’t about being nice to others. This is about being nice to yourself. And, when you fail to stand up for your values, make your own needs a priority, and walk away from bad situations, you’re denying yourself the life you deserve. And, in fact, you’re not really being nice at all. You’re also venturing down a path towards frustration and heartbreak.
Nice Guys are dependent on external validation and they’ll do damn near anything to avoid conflict. Generally, Nice Guys are guided by three principles, or what Dr. Glover calls “covert contracts.” These covert contracts are:
- If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me).
- If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs.
- If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
These covert contracts exist at an unconscious level, and they simply don’t work. But, Nice Guys are convinced they should. When Nice Guys believe they have fulfilled their side of the contract, they tend to feel helpless and resentful when others don’t fulfill their side of the contract.
WHO IS THE NICE GUY?
- He is the husband who lets his wife run the show.
- He is the friend who will do anything for anybody, even though his own life is a fucking mess.
- He is the man who frustrates his significant other because he is so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved.
- He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.
- He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn’t want to rock the boat.
- He is the man who will never say NO or tell anyone if they are imposing on him.
- He is the man whose life seems so under control, until…BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.
CHARACTERISTICS OF NICE GUYS
- Nice Guys desperately seek the approval of others.
- Nice guys try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
- Nice guys constantly put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
- Nice guys sacrifice their personal power and often play the role of a victim.
- Nice guys tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.
- Nice guys co-create relationships that are less than satisfying.
- Nice guys are sexually frustrated.
- Nice guys frequently fail to live up to their full potential.
NICE GUY BEHAVIORS
- Nice Guys do nice things with unspoken expectations. When these expectations go unmet, Nice Guys are resentful.
- Nice Guys believe that they are unlovable as they are. They’re terrified of rejection.
- Nice Guys tend to blame others – or the universe – for their circumstances.
- Nice Guys often fall for partners who need fixing.
- Nice Guys act like ‘table dogs’ around women, waiting for a scrap of attention or affection.
- Nice Guys have an unconscious belief that in order to be loved, they have to take shit from others.
- Nice Guys have a difficult time setting boundaries.
- Nice Guys often settle. They settle for crappy relationships, crappy sex, crappy jobs, and crappy lives.
Does this sound like you? If so, then it’s time for change. It’s time to abolish the shit out of your Nice Guy Syndrome. It’s time to start getting what you want in love sex and life. It’s time to become an Integrated Man.
The opposite of a Nice Guy isn’t an asshole. The opposite of a Nice Guy is an Integrated Man.
An Integrated Man feels good about himself from the inside out. An Integrated Man does not seek the approval of others. An Integrated Man seeks to improve himself – not so others will like him, but because he knows he can add value to the world.
AN INTEGRATED MAN:
- Accepts all aspects of himself
- Has a strong sense of individuality
- Makes his own needs a priority
- Is comfortable with his masculinity and sexuality
- Has integrity
- Is a leader
- Is clear, direct, and expresses his feelings
- Can be nurturing and giving without caretaking
- Knows how to set boundaries
- Responds to conflict in a positive manner
“Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man. As recovering Nice Guys chart their own path and put themselves first, people respond.” – Dr. Robert Glover
ARE YOU READY TO ABOLISH THE SH*T OUT OF YOUR NICE GUY SYNDROME AND BECOME AN INTEGRATED MAN?
I know from experience that working with an NMMNG coach and being part of a men’s support group can lead to powerful transformation. These things changed my life and they can change your life, too.
INDIVIDUAL NMMNG COACHING
I offer one-on-one NMMNG coaching to men who are committed to changing their lives. This is an opportunity to go deep. Throughout our work together, I’ll challenge your thinking, push you outside your comfort zone, and help you overcome your Nice Guy tendencies. If you’re interested in individual coaching, please schedule a free introductory conversation with me.
NMMNG GROUP COACHING
I offer an immersive, six-week, virtual group coaching program several times throughout the year. You’ll participate in weekly group video calls, giving you an incredibly supportive and positive place to share your story. You’ll get everything you need to help you break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome. For more information, please visit The Integrated Man Cave.