I ignored every yellow and red flag, overlooked the lies and broken promises, and tolerated her disrespectful behavior. I allowed her to unilaterally change the terms of our relationship on what seemed like a weekly basis. I did her favors and bought her things and told her how much she meant to me. In return, she tossed me out of her life like yesterday’s trash, without a moment’s hesitation or a hint of remorse.
In the past, I’d have worked through the pain by simply telling myself that this woman is a narcissist or a psycho or just an asshole. And, quite frankly, she might be all three. Or, she might not be. It doesn’t really matter. Because, the fact is, I played a role in it, too. I let her into my life. So, this time, I decided to closely examine my own behavior
I began to look deep within, and asked myself a number of questions: Why does this keep happening? Why do I constantly fall for the same type of woman? Why did I try so hard to win this woman’s approval? Why did I love someone who couldn’t love me back? Why did I tolerate so much disrespect? Why didn’t I walk away when I knew I should have? And, why am I so heartbroken over someone who wasn’t even fucking nice to me?
I found answers to many of these questions when I picked up the book No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Dr. Robert Glover. Within the first few pages, I had a number of “Holy Shit” moments, and realized that I had a severe case of Nice Guy Syndrome. I was so affected by Dr. Glover’s book, that I did the necessary work to recover from the Nice Guy Syndrome and become a certified No More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG) coach.
As I began to abolish my Nice Guy tendencies, I quickly realized that being a quintessential Nice Guy had negatively impacted more than just my relationships with women. In fact, it was the primary reason I’d been failing to live up to my potential in almost all areas of life.
I also discovered the incredible healing power of connecting, bonding, and sharing my story with other men. The relationships I’ve developed with Dr. Glover and other recovering Nice Guys have been the real driving force behind my transformation. And, that’s why I created this program.
Are you ready to begin your transformation? If so, you’re in the right place. It’s time to abolish the shit out of your Nice Guy Syndrome and start getting what you want in love, sex, and life.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH BEING A NICE GUY?
Obviously, there is nothing wrong with being nice to others. But, this isn’t about being nice to others. This is about being nice to yourself. And, when you fail to stand up for your values, make your own needs a priority and walk away from bad situations, you’re denying yourself the life you deserve. And, in fact, you’re not really being nice at all. You’re also venturing down a path towards frustration and heartbreak.
Nice Guys are dependent on external validation and they’ll do damn near anything to avoid conflict. Generally, Nice Guys are guided by three principles, or what Dr. Glover calls “covert contracts.” These covert contracts are:
- If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me).
- If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs.
- If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
These covert contracts exist at an unconscious level, and they simply don’t work. But, Nice Guys are convinced they should. When Nice Guys believe they have fulfilled their side of the contract, they tend to feel helpless and resentful when others don’t fulfill their side of the contract.
WHO IS THE NICE GUY?
- He is the husband who lets his wife run the show.
- He is the friend who will do anything for anybody, even though his own life is a mess.
- He is the man who frustrates his significant other because he is so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved.
- He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.
- He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn’t want to rock the boat.
- He is the man who will never say NO or tell anyone if they are imposing on him.
- He is the man whose life seems so under control, until…BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.
CHARACTERISTICS OF NICE GUYS
- Nice Guys desperately seek the approval of others.
- Nice guys try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
- Nice guys put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
- Nice guys sacrifice their personal power and often play the role of a victim.
- Nice guys tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.
- Nice guys co-create relationships that are less than satisfying.
- Nice guys are sexually frustrated.
- Nice guys frequently fail to live up to their full potential.
NICE GUY BEHAVIORS
- Nice Guys do nice things with unspoken expectations. When these expectations go unmet, Nice Guys are resentful.
- Nice Guys believe that they are unlovable as they are. They’re terrified of rejection.
- Nice Guys tend to blame others – or the universe – for their circumstances.
- Nice Guys often fall for women who need “fixing.”
- Nice Guys act like “table dogs” around women, waiting for a scrap of attention or affection.
- Nice Guys have an unconscious belief that in order to be loved, they have to take shit from others.
- Nice Guys have a difficult time setting boundaries.
- Nice Guys often settle. They settle for crappy relationships, crappy sex, crappy jobs, and crappy lives.
Does this sound like you? If so, then it’s time for a change. It’s time to abolish your Nice Guy Syndrome. It’s time to start getting what you want in love, sex, and life. It’s time to become an Integrated Man.