Abolish the sh*t out of your Nice Guy Syndrome.
NOW THAT YOU’RE HERE…
I suppose the question is: What brought you here?
Maybe you read one of my essays and it struck a chord. Maybe you found me on Facebook. Maybe you were referred here by a friend. Maybe you’ve been thinking about getting a coach or joining a support group. Or maybe you read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover and it turned your whole f*cking world upside down – in the best possible way.
Whatever the case, I know that you’re here for a reason.
You’re here because, up until now, you’ve been leading a life of quiet desperation. You’re here because you’ve been failing to live up to your potential. You’re here because what you’ve been doing isn’t working.
You’re here because you’re a Nice Guy. And you’ve decided that it’s time for a f*cking change.
READY TO ABOLISH YOUR NICE GUY SYNDROME?
If you didn’t already know, I am a certified More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG) coach, having worked closely with Dr. Robert Glover, the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy. There are just a handful of NMMNG coaches on the planet. I am the only one in the Gulf South Region of the United States, and I currently live in New Orleans.
I am also the author of The Big Stick: A Man’s Guide to Almost Everything (Collected & Applied Wisdom From the Teachings of Dr. Robert Glover). So, I might just be the world’s foremost expert on all things Dr. Glover (excluding Dr. Glover himself, of course).
Oh, I almost forgot. I am also what Dr. Glover would call a recovering Nice Guy.
In fact, I was a Nice Guy of disastrous proportions. And not just around beautiful women. I was a Nice Guy in nearly every facet of my existence. It was kind of pathetic. Thankfully, I decided to take charge of my life.
As I began to abolish my Nice Guy tendencies, I quickly discovered the remarkable healing power of connecting, bonding, and sharing my story with other men. The relationships I’ve developed with Dr. Glover and dozens of other guys have been the real driving force behind my transformation.
Are you ready to begin your transformation? If so, you’re in the right place. Let’s abolish the shit out of your Nice Guy Syndrome.
WAIT…WHAT’S WRONG WITH BEING A NICE GUY?
Certainly, there is nothing wrong with being nice to others. Rest assured, it’ll serve you well to go through life as a decent human being. But when you fail to stand up for your values, make your own needs a priority, and walk away from bad situations, you’re denying yourself the life you deserve. And you’re not really being nice at all.
Nice Guys are dependent on external validation and they’ll do damn near anything to avoid conflict. Generally, Nice Guys are guided by three principles, or what Dr. Glover calls covert contracts. These covert contracts are:
- If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me).
- If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs.
- If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
These covert contracts exist at an unconscious level and they simply don’t work. But, Nice Guys are convinced they should. When Nice Guys believe they have fulfilled their side of the contract, they tend to feel helpless and resentful when others don’t fulfill their side of the contract.
WHO IS THE NICE GUY?
- He is the husband who lets his wife run the show.
- He is the friend who will do anything for anybody, even though his own life is a f*cking mess.
- He is the man who frustrates his significant other because he is so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved.
- He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.
- He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn’t want to rock the boat.
- He is the man who will never say NO or tell anyone if they are imposing on him.
- He is the man whose life seems so under control, until…oh f*ck, one day he does something to destroy it all.
CHARACTERISTICS OF NICE GUYS
- Nice Guys desperately seek the approval of others.
- Nice guys try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
- Nice guys constantly put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
- Nice guys sacrifice their personal power and often play the role of a victim.
- Nice guys tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.
- Nice guys co-create relationships that are less than satisfying.
- Nice guys are sexually frustrated.
- Nice guys frequently fail to live up to their full potential.
NICE GUY BEHAVIORS
- Nice Guys do nice things with unspoken expectations. When these expectations go unmet, Nice Guys are resentful.
- Nice Guys believe that they are unlovable as they are. They’re terrified of rejection.
- Nice Guys tend to blame others – or the universe – for their circumstances.
- Nice Guys often fall for partners who need fixing.
- Nice Guys act like ‘table dogs’ around women, waiting for a scrap of attention or affection.
- Nice Guys have an unconscious belief that in order to be loved, they have to take shit from others.
- Nice Guys have a difficult time setting boundaries.
- Nice Guys often settle. They settle for crappy relationships, crappy sex, crappy jobs, and crappy lives.
Does this sound like you? If so, maybe it’s time for change. Maybe it’s time to become an Integrated Man.
If you’ve read No More Mr. Nice Guy, then you already know that the opposite of a Nice Guy is not an asshole. The opposite of a Nice Guy is an Integrated Man. An Integrated Man feels good about himself from the inside out. An Integrated Man does not seek the approval of others. An Integrated Man seeks to improve himself – not so others will like him, but because he knows he can add value to the world.
AN INTEGRATED MAN:
- Accepts all aspects of himself
- Has a strong sense of individuality
- Makes his own needs a priority
- Is comfortable with his masculinity and sexuality
- Has integrity
- Is a leader
- Is clear, direct, and expresses his feelings
- Can be nurturing and giving without caretaking
- Knows how to set boundaries
- Responds to conflict in a positive manner
Oh, Shit. I THINK I’M A NICE GUY. Now what?
You’ve already taken the first step: You’ve acknowledged it. And now, there are lots of steps you can take. But as Dr. Glover says over and over again, you simply cannot do this work alone. So, before you do anything, find the right people to accompany you on your journey.
If you are committed to overcoming your Nice Guy Syndrome, it’s crucial that you work with a coach or join a men’s group. At the very least, you must find someone in your life who can be a safe person. Again, you cannot do this work alone.
I’ve been down this road before. As a recovering Nice Guy and one of Dr. Glover’s elite No More Mr. Nice Guy coaches, I know how important is to have people to support you, challenge you, and hold you accountable. I can help you:
Ready to get started? Good. The worst thing you can do is put off your recovery. If you do, the Nice Guy Syndrome will continue to permeate every part of your life. I’ve seen too many men sit on the fence – unwilling to invest in themselves – while the Nice Guy Syndrome gradually eats away at their mind, body, and spirit. It affects their career, their relationships, their friendships, and their emotional well-being.
Don’t put off your recovery. It’s best to get a grip on this thing as soon as possible. Schedule an introductory call with me, and let’s see if we vibe.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
How long does it take to overcome Nice Guy Syndrome and become an Integrated Man?
If you’re lucky, it’ll take the rest of your life. I realize that’s not what you want to hear. Most men who read Dr. Glover’s book want to overcome their Nice Guy Syndrome and they want to do it now. But overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome is a lifelong journey. It’s important that you make a lasting commitment to personal growth. Even Dr. Glover will tell you that he is still working on himself. He still works with a coach and still attends a men’s group.
All that said, I believe that radical transformation is possible in 6 months. If you take the work seriously, if you challenge yourself, if you face your fears, you’ll see changes pretty quickly.
Why can’t I just read No More Mr. Nice Guy and do the breaking free activities by myself? Why do I need a safe person or safe people?
There are lots of reasons. Here are just a few:
Nice Guy Syndrome is a shame-based disorder. Nice Guys carry around an incredible amount of toxic shame – or the belief that they aren’t good enough just as they are. Nice Guys often believe they are defective and unlovable. The only way to overcome your toxic shame is to reveal yourself to a safe person or safe people. You need safe people to challenge you, encourage you, and support you. You need safe people to give you more accurate feedback.
A trained coach can expertly guide you through the recovery process and customize breaking free activities based on your specific needs.
Additionally, men need a tribe. Nice Guys in particular seem to have few if any male companions. In general, male loneliness has become something of an epidemic. Spending time with other men is a crucial part of overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome. It’s also a crucial part of having a rich and fulfilling life. Joining a men’s group is an amazingly simple way to start building a tribe of compassionate, supportive men who are committed to personal growth.
I’m interested in working with you. What do you offer? How do I get the ball rolling?
That’s awesome. You can schedule a free introductory call with me. I think this is the best place to start. This will give us the opportunity to get to know each other and see if we’re a good fit. It’s important that you vibe with your coach.
If you don’t think it’s necessary to schedule an introductory call with me – if you already feel good about working together and you’d like to dive right in, here are your current options:
Not sure which program is right for you? No worries. Feel free to schedule an introductory call with me and we can discuss your options in further detail.