Maybe you read one of my essays and it struck a chord. Maybe you found me on Facebook. Maybe you were referred here by a friend. Maybe you’ve been thinking about getting a coach or joining a support group. Or, maybe you read No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Dr. Robert Glover and it turned your whole fucking world upside down – in the best possible way.
Whatever the case, I know that you’re here for a reason. You’re here because, up until now, you’ve been leading a life of quiet desperation. You’re here because you’ve been failing to live up to your potential. You’re here because what you’ve been doing isn’t working. You’re here because you’re a Nice Guy. And, you’ve decided that it’s time for a change.
It’s Time to Abolish the Sh*t out of your Nice Guy Syndrome.
If you didn’t already know, my name is Tony Endelman. I am an author and certified life coach. I am also a certified More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG) coach, having studied closely with Dr. Robert Glover, the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy!
There are just a few certified NMMNG coaches on the planet. I am the only one in the Gulf South Region of the United States, and I currently live in New Orleans.
I am also a recovering Nice Guy.
In fact, I was a Nice Guy of disastrous proportions. And not just around beautiful women. I was a Nice Guy in nearly every facet of my existence. It was kind of pathetic, actually. But, the last time I got my heart stomped on, I decided it was going to be just that: the last time. I also decided that it was time to take charge of my life.
To give you some background, I’d fallen head over heels for a woman I was dating. She was a drop-dead gorgeous, divorced mother of two. She was smart and funny and charming and successful. She owned her own business and volunteered in the community. She liked music and comedy and trying new restaurants. She was everything I ever wanted in a partner. Except that she was a little unstable and treated me like a second-class citizen. But, I didn’t care. I was in love.
I ignored every yellow and red flag, overlooked the lies and broken promises, and tolerated her disrespectful behavior. I allowed her to unilaterally change the terms of our relationship on what seemed like a weekly basis. I did her favors and bought her things and told her how much she meant to me. In return, she tossed me out of her life like yesterday’s trash, without a moment’s hesitation or a hint of remorse.
In the past, I’d have worked through the pain by simply telling myself that this woman is a narcissist or a psycho or just an asshole. And, quite frankly, she might be all three. Or, she might not be. It doesn’t really matter. Because, the fact is, I played a role in it, too. I let her into my life. So, this time, I decided to closely examine my own behavior
I began to look deep within, and asked myself a number of questions: Why does this keep happening? Why do I constantly fall for the same type of woman? Why did I try so hard to win this woman’s approval? Why did I love someone who couldn’t love me back? Why did I tolerate so much disrespect? Why didn’t I walk away when I knew I should have? And, why am I so heartbroken over someone who wasn’t even fucking nice to me?
I found answers to many of these questions when I picked up the book No More Mr. Nice Guy! by Dr. Robert Glover. Within the first few pages, I had a number of “Holy Shit” moments, and realized that I had a severe case of Nice Guy Syndrome. I was so affected by Dr. Glover’s book, that I did the necessary work to recover from the Nice Guy Syndrome and become a certified No More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG) coach.
As I began to abolish my Nice Guy tendencies, I quickly realized that being a quintessential Nice Guy had negatively impacted more than just my relationships with women. In fact, it was the primary reason I’d been failing to live up to my potential in almost all areas of life.
I also discovered the incredible healing power of connecting, bonding, and sharing my story with other men. The relationships I’ve developed with Dr. Glover and other recovering Nice Guys have been the real driving force behind my transformation. And, that’s why I created this program.
Are you ready to begin your transformation? If so, you’re in the right place. It’s time to abolish the shit out of your Nice Guy Syndrome and start getting what you want in love, sex, and life.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH BEING A NICE GUY?
Obviously, there is nothing wrong with being nice to others. But, this isn’t about being nice to others. This is about being nice to yourself. And, when you fail to stand up for your values, make your own needs a priority and walk away from bad situations, you’re denying yourself the life you deserve. And, in fact, you’re not really being nice at all. You’re also venturing down a path towards frustration and heartbreak.
Nice Guys are dependent on external validation and they’ll do damn near anything to avoid conflict. Generally, Nice Guys are guided by three principles, or what Dr. Glover calls “covert contracts.” These covert contracts are:
If I am a good guy, then everyone will love me and like me (and people I desire will desire me).
If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs.
If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
These covert contracts exist at an unconscious level, and they simply don’t work. But, Nice Guys are convinced they should. When Nice Guys believe they have fulfilled their side of the contract, they tend to feel helpless and resentful when others don’t fulfill their side of the contract.
WHO IS THE NICE GUY?
He is the husband who lets his wife run the show.
He is the friend who will do anything for anybody, even though his own life is a mess.
He is the man who frustrates his significant other because he is so afraid of conflict that nothing ever gets resolved.
He is the boss who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else.
He is the man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn’t want to rock the boat.
He is the man who will never say NO or tell anyone if they are imposing on him.
He is the man whose life seems so under control, until…BOOM, one day he does something to destroy it all.
CHARACTERISTICS OF NICE GUYS
Nice Guys desperately seek the approval of others.
Nice guys try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
Nice guys put other people’s needs and wants before their own.
Nice guys sacrifice their personal power and often play the role of a victim.
Nice guys tend to be disconnected from other men and from their own masculine energy.
Nice guys co-create relationships that are less than satisfying.
Nice guys are sexually frustrated.
Nice guys frequently fail to live up to their full potential.
NICE GUY BEHAVIORS
Nice Guys do nice things with unspoken expectations. When these expectations go unmet, Nice Guys are resentful.
Nice Guys believe that they are unlovable as they are. They’re terrified of rejection.
Nice Guys tend to blame others – or the universe – for their circumstances.
Nice Guys often fall for women who need “fixing.”
Nice Guys act like “table dogs” around women, waiting for a scrap of attention or affection.
Nice Guys have an unconscious belief that in order to be loved, they have to take shit from others.
Nice Guys have a difficult time setting boundaries.
Nice Guys often settle. They settle for crappy relationships, crappy sex, crappy jobs, and crappy lives.
Does this sound like you? If so, then it’s time for a change. It’s time to abolish your Nice Guy Syndrome. It’s time to start getting what you want in love, sex, and life. It’s time to become an Integrated Man.
BECOME AN INTEGRATED MAN
The opposite of a Nice Guy isn’t an asshole.The opposite of a Nice Guy is an Integrated Man. An integrated man feels good about himself from the inside out. An Integrated Man does not seek the approval of others. An Integrated Man seeks to improve himself – not so others will like him, but because he knows he can add value to the world.
AN INTEGRATED MAN:
Accepts all aspects of himself
Has a strong sense of individuality
Makes his own needs a priority
Is comfortable with his masculinity and sexuality
Is a leader
Is clear, direct, and expresses his feelings
Can be nurturing and giving without caretaking
Knows how to set boundaries
Responds to conflict in a positive manner
Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man. As recovering Nice Guys chart their own path and put themselves first, people respond. - Dr. Robert Glover
ARE YOU READY TO BECOME AN INTEGRATED MAN? THE FIRST STEP IS JOINING THIS PROGRAM.
I know from experience that being part of a men’s support group can lead to powerful transformation. Participating in a men’s group changed my life, and it can change your life, too. I’ve created this group to provide:
A safe place for you to reveal yourself and release toxic shame
The ideal environment for you to realize that you’re not alone
A place to connect with other men and develop masculine relationships
A way to learn new skills and practice them in a safe environment
A place to see integrated male behaviors
Support, encouragement, and accountability
“Groups are the most effective tool I know of to help break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome.” – Dr. Robert Glover
ABOUT THIS PROGRAM
This is an immersive, 6-week, virtual group coaching program designed to help you abolish your Nice Guy Syndrome and start getting what you want in love, sex, and life.
During the program, I’ll lead weekly video calls for the group, giving you an incredibly supportive and positive place to share your story. You’ll be able to ask questions, gain feedback and support, and connect with other group members. You’ll get everything you need to help you break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome.
Because this a virtual program, you can participate from the privacy of your own home, and from anywhere in the world. Near the end of the program, I’ll have an optional, in-person gathering for group members. And, once the the program is complete, it’s not really complete. Because, when you participate in the program, you’ll get a lifetime of support. After all, recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome is a journey that never truly ends.
To make this program as powerful as possible, I’ve decided to only let in 12 men at a time. If registration is closed, sign up for the waiting list or shoot me an email at [email protected].
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL GET
I want you to have everything you’ll need to break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome, become an integrated man, and start living the life you deserve. When you join the NMMNG Group Coaching Program, you’ll get:
Powerful weekly video calls with a group of incredibly committed men, led by a certified NMMNG coach.
Two private consultations with a certified NMMNG coach
100+ pages of curated content to help you break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome
A comprehensive checklist of breaking free activities
Lifetime access to the NMMNG private Facebook community
Unlimited text and email support
An invitation to an optional, in-person gathering in New Orleans
The chance to make lifelong friendships with other like-minded men
Encouragement and accountability
Alumni discounts on future NMMNG programs
REGISTRATION IS CLOSED. JOIN THE WAITING LIST.
Registration is currently closed, but will be open soon. To join the waiting list, just fill out the form below. You’ll get notified as soon as registration opens.